Really bad, but punny...
Feb. 12th, 2004 03:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
webbgirl1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says: "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one naturally, became known as the lesser
of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during the root
canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse. But
why? they asked, as they moved off. Because, he said, I can't stand chess
nuts boasting in an open foyer.
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Why he asks. They're only twins. If
you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.
8. These friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to close. Hugh beat
up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only
Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath. This made him what? A super callused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
stewardess looks at them and says: "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one naturally, became known as the lesser
of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during the root
canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse. But
why? they asked, as they moved off. Because, he said, I can't stand chess
nuts boasting in an open foyer.
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Why he asks. They're only twins. If
you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.
8. These friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to close. Hugh beat
up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only
Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath. This made him what? A super callused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.